I’ve been online dating for a while now, and I’ve seen guys make all kinds of rookie mistakes in the process of asking me out. Like the time one guy asked for my phone number after we’d been chatting, and I gave it to him thinking we could continue our conversation over text. Nope. He called me, and I dropped my phone like it was a spider crawling up my arm. If you’re new to online dating, you might not know that there aren’t many universal rules about online dating, but one is never calling someone without asking permission first is definitely one of them.
But it’s easy to make these kinds of rookie mistakes while online dating. Especially if you’re new to it or if you’re used to more traditional forms of dating.
Here are 10 smart online dating tips for men:
1. Choose the right site(s).
Singles today have so many options to help them meet people online. There are literally thousands of dating websites and apps available for every type of person. All you have to do is figure out which one is right for you. You can read articles, forums, and reviews or ask your single friends about their favorite dating websites to help you choose the best dating app or site. Most platforms offer a free signup, download, or trial period so you can get the lay of the land pretty quickly and affordably.
2. Add personality.
Creating a dating profile is an important part of online dating because it’s how you introduce yourself to potential love interests. It’s your résumé. This isn’t something you should breeze through without thinking about. Your dating profile should offer a good representation of who you are, what you like, and what you’re looking for. Not sure how it’s done? You can look up online dating profile examples to give you an idea of what to say to stand out.
3. Be specific.
Sure, it’s easy to copy/paste the same, “you have a lovely smile” message to every woman you match with, but that’s not going to yield many responses. Because online daters, especially women, see that sort of thing all the time, and it’s not very flattering to receive a generic flirty message.
If you can’t take two seconds to read the person’s profile, then why should he or she take the time to answer you? What reason have you given them to believe you’re worth it? You don’t have to spend forever memorizing the profile and crafting a perfect message—something simple like, “I love horror movies too, what’s your favorite?” or “Hey, cute dog, is it yours?” will do just fine.
The gay dating app became known for its location-based matching, which facilitates real-time, in-person connections by showing men how close they are to romance. Grindr has quickly become one of the biggest names in the gay dating scene, and it currently has over 3 million daily active users in 234 countries. Tser is a dating and hookup app specifically created for trans, enby and gender-fluid singles — including, for the purposes of this list, trans men who identify as gay or bisexual.
4. Respect boundaries.
Everyone sets different boundaries to keep themselves safe and sane as they meet people online. Some people are more lenient, and others are more strict. It depends on what they’re comfortable with, and that’s naturally going to differ. One person may be happy to chat for a couple minutes and then get drinks that night, but another may need some more time before agreeing to go out.
There’s no set rule for when it’s OK to ask for a phone number or a date, so just tread carefully and don’t take your crush’s consent for granted. She doesn’t know you yet and vise versa.
5. Ask questions.
If you’ve explored online dating at all, then you know that people sometimes disappear on you. You think everything is going splendidly, and then the conversation just stops without warning or apology. Ghosting has become so commonplace that Merriam Webster added it to its dictionary. If you want to keep someone from losing interest in your conversation, then you’d better make sure you’re giving the other person plenty of things to say.
This is pretty basic, but it needs to be said. You have to ask questions to keep a conversation going. After you’ve talked about your job, your hobbies, your goals, and all that good stuff, you should throw the ball back in your crush’s court by saying, “How about you?” or asking a good personal question. If they still disappear on you, at least you’ll know you did everything you could to keep them engaged.
6. Focus on the positive.
When you’re just getting to know someone, you should keep the conversation light, if you can. Stick to feel-good topics and give a wide berth to anything that could be considered a downer. That means no disparaging an ex, talking down about yourself, or ranting about politics. Saying pessimistic or mean-spirited things isn’t going to endear you to very many people. Singles want to be around people who make them feel good (don’t you?) so try to accentuate the positive, at least for the first few days, as you establish a rapport with your crush.
7. Make a move.
No, men don’t have to make the first move. But, if you’re ready to take things up a notch, then you should go for it rather than wait around. It’s going to save time in the long run.
Once you’ve flirted enough to establish that there’s something there, you should come right out and see if that person is interested in going on a date. It’s always great if you can give a reason why you’re attracted to that person in particular, so they know they’re not just another date in your calendar. And make sure you give a timeframe, as in, “Would you like to go on a date this weekend?”
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8. Have a plan.
I’ve seen a lot of guys mess up in the planning stages of a first date. We’ve both agreed to meet up, and maybe we’ve even picked out a day, but then it can all fall apart with a single phrase: What should we do?
If you’ve asked someone out, the burden is on you to plan the date. Suggest coffee, drinks, or dinner. Ask what your date’s favorite food is and then recommend a restaurant. It isn’t hard to come up with first date ideas, and it’s going to make you look prepared, thoughtful, and competent, which is pretty attractive.
9. Exchange numbers.
Make sure you’ve exchanged numbers with your love interest before going on your first date together. This is mainly for logistical reasons. That way, you can text when you arrive at the date spot and have a way to get in touch quickly if you need to cancel or you can’t find each other Exchanging numbers beforehand also takes the some of the pressure off you at the end of the date, so the only thing you have to ask is, “Would you like to do this again sometime?”
10. Get offline.
Finally, the best advice I can give online daters is to remember to get offline as soon as you’ve established a connection with someone. Getting to know someone in person is the only way to know for sure if you have chemistry and can make a relationship work.
Spending months talking to someone online may feel comfortable and safe, but you can’t be pen pals forever. The point of online dating is to date in real life. Otherwise you’re just playing pretend. So get out there and make something happen!
Hayley Matthews is editor-in-chief at DatingAdvice.com, a popular site featuring advice from more than 250 dating coaches, matchmakers, and other relationship experts. In addition to expert tips and guides, the site also publishes reviews of online dating sites. When Hayley isn’t writing about dating and relationships, she’s listening to The Beatles or watching Harry Potter.
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Gone are the days when you had to lie about meeting your significant other through a dating app. As smartphones have transformed the way we look for love, swiping left and right to choose a potential partner has gradually become the new normal. But with so many people searching for a soulmate on these apps and sites, how can you stand out from the crowd? These expert tips, inspired by advice from the app-creators themselves, will improve your chances of matching with the right person.
Choose your photos wisely
First impressions matter, and nothing makes a better dating-profile impression than a great photo. As you set up your profile, take your time choosing shots that show off your looks and hint at your personality.
At the very least, you need a couple establishing shots that potential matches can use to recognize you when you finally meet up in person. Look for at least one good close-up of your face and one more distant snap that shows a fuller view of your body. In these photos, your features should be clearly visible, so avoid images where sunglasses cover your face or you have completely different facial hair. In addition, don’t try to fool the viewer with old photos—stick to snaps dating from the past few years. You should choose your default photo from one of these shots.
In addition, you can include more than just two photos (although you don’t want to go overboard with too many). Once you’ve established what you look like, dig up some pictures of yourself cuddling a pet or participating in a hobby you enjoy. World travelers, this is the time to show off those vacation shots. Just make sure you’re in them—you don’t want long-distance shots where you can barely be seen, or random images where you don’t appear at all.
You can also include a photo of yourself hanging with friends, but be careful with these: If a potential date doesn’t even know which face in the frame belongs to you, they’re likely to move on pretty fast. Avoid blurry photos with too many faces, and don’t make a group shot your default image.
Finally, bear in mind that you might not make the best judge of your own face. When you’re choosing between pictures, ask one or two close friends for advice on the images that show you in the best light.
New Dating App For Women
Work on your bio
A picture may be worth a thousand words, but the text of your profile is still important. According to Tinder exec Rosette Pambakian, men are 98 percent less likely to get a match if they leave their bios blank. Even if you’re the loveliest person in the world, a missing bio—or a terrible one—will not grab the attention of the matches you want.
Some apps give you room for a full-length autobiography, while others limit you to a line or two. No matter how much space you’re working with, you should start by thinking about what your personality is like and what unique traits make you different from other people. Also look at other profiles to see what types of descriptions pique your interest. Then invest some time and effort into describing yourself, your hobbies, and your goals. As with photos, getting a friend to look over what you’ve put together can flag any potential problems.
10. Get offline.
Finally, the best advice I can give online daters is to remember to get offline as soon as you’ve established a connection with someone. Getting to know someone in person is the only way to know for sure if you have chemistry and can make a relationship work.
Spending months talking to someone online may feel comfortable and safe, but you can’t be pen pals forever. The point of online dating is to date in real life. Otherwise you’re just playing pretend. So get out there and make something happen!
Hayley Matthews is editor-in-chief at DatingAdvice.com, a popular site featuring advice from more than 250 dating coaches, matchmakers, and other relationship experts. In addition to expert tips and guides, the site also publishes reviews of online dating sites. When Hayley isn’t writing about dating and relationships, she’s listening to The Beatles or watching Harry Potter.
Subscribe to our newsletter
By clicking Submit you agree to Zoosk’s terms of use and privacy policy.
Gone are the days when you had to lie about meeting your significant other through a dating app. As smartphones have transformed the way we look for love, swiping left and right to choose a potential partner has gradually become the new normal. But with so many people searching for a soulmate on these apps and sites, how can you stand out from the crowd? These expert tips, inspired by advice from the app-creators themselves, will improve your chances of matching with the right person.
Choose your photos wisely
First impressions matter, and nothing makes a better dating-profile impression than a great photo. As you set up your profile, take your time choosing shots that show off your looks and hint at your personality.
At the very least, you need a couple establishing shots that potential matches can use to recognize you when you finally meet up in person. Look for at least one good close-up of your face and one more distant snap that shows a fuller view of your body. In these photos, your features should be clearly visible, so avoid images where sunglasses cover your face or you have completely different facial hair. In addition, don’t try to fool the viewer with old photos—stick to snaps dating from the past few years. You should choose your default photo from one of these shots.
In addition, you can include more than just two photos (although you don’t want to go overboard with too many). Once you’ve established what you look like, dig up some pictures of yourself cuddling a pet or participating in a hobby you enjoy. World travelers, this is the time to show off those vacation shots. Just make sure you’re in them—you don’t want long-distance shots where you can barely be seen, or random images where you don’t appear at all.
You can also include a photo of yourself hanging with friends, but be careful with these: If a potential date doesn’t even know which face in the frame belongs to you, they’re likely to move on pretty fast. Avoid blurry photos with too many faces, and don’t make a group shot your default image.
Finally, bear in mind that you might not make the best judge of your own face. When you’re choosing between pictures, ask one or two close friends for advice on the images that show you in the best light.
New Dating App For Women
Work on your bio
A picture may be worth a thousand words, but the text of your profile is still important. According to Tinder exec Rosette Pambakian, men are 98 percent less likely to get a match if they leave their bios blank. Even if you’re the loveliest person in the world, a missing bio—or a terrible one—will not grab the attention of the matches you want.
Some apps give you room for a full-length autobiography, while others limit you to a line or two. No matter how much space you’re working with, you should start by thinking about what your personality is like and what unique traits make you different from other people. Also look at other profiles to see what types of descriptions pique your interest. Then invest some time and effort into describing yourself, your hobbies, and your goals. As with photos, getting a friend to look over what you’ve put together can flag any potential problems.
Unfortunately, we can’t give you a magic formula for a great bio. But we can point out some things to avoid: Generic openers, too much boasting, and attempts at awkward humor. You should also avoid making your profile run too long—viewers have short attention spans, so they probably won’t read your whole life story.
In addition, remember to follow the rule of “show don’t tell.” Instead of describing yourself with a long list of adjectives, Match.com recommends talking about what you do and which activities you enjoy. If you’re altruistic, talk about your volunteer work; if you’re an adrenaline junkie, mention your latest foray into sky-diving. Then potential suitors will be able to judge whether you’re “funny” or “adventurous” for themselves, rather than requiring that you spell it out explicitly.
Oh, and if you find yourself bouncing around an app for several months or years, remember to update your profile to keep it relevant. If your profile still references your 2014 road trip as if it’s recent history, other users will get the impression that you’re not actually on the site very often.
Expand your expectations
Once you’ve created an awesome profile, it’s time to start looking for partners. With the sheer number of people using these apps, picky daters could genuinely scroll through their options looking for their perfect matches forever. In fact, that overwhelming number of possibilities can distract you from the awesome profiles that are right in front of you.
According to eHarmony, many users find a match after taking a chance on someone they hadn’t originally considered. Perhaps they had ruled out this person as not fitting their ideal criteria, such as fitting into an age range or sporting a certain hairstyle. To find the right person, these users had to venture outside their dating comfort zone.
While you should go into your search with a general idea of the type of person you’re looking for, bear in mind that the more restrictions you put on a potential future partner, the harder it’ll be to find them. So if you haven’t been able to find a good match with your current criteria, it may be time to broaden your search terms. While you’ll still need to balance between being too picky and not being discerning enough, a little flexibility can make all the difference.
Remain active
If you find yourself on the dating scene for an extended period of time, you may get tired of your current app. However, you should still keep your profile up to date, and while you’re at it, remember to regularly log in, run searches, and send messages. Even if you’re not seriously looking for love at the moment.
Why bother? Just like the Facebook algorithms that determine what appears in your News Feed, dating-app algorithms take in every like, swipe, and chat you submit. Every action you take on a site or an app reveals more about your preferences and allows you to receive more likely matches. Conversely, when you fail to check the app regularly, it will stop sending accurate or popular profiles your way.
These smart algorithms even extend as far as looking at how many unread messages languish in your inbox. So keep your account in good standing and participate regularly. This will increase your chances of striking it lucky in the near future.
Know your apps
Best Dating Apps For Women
Once you’ve settled into a rhythm with your dating app, check out all the features it offers. Otherwise, you might miss out on useful tricks for finding good matches.
In Tinder, for example, check out the Edit Profile section of the app to find options like the ability to import your Instagram photos directly into your profile. To spread your Tinder profile’s reach, you can also create a web version of it, then share its URL in email messages, on social networks, or even on your business card. Within the app, tap your profile icon on the top left, select Settings, scroll down to the Web Profile heading, and choose Claim yours.
In general, you should check out the FAQs on dating apps’ websites to learn more about improving your experience with that specific service. OKCupid, for instance, encourages you to improve the quality of your matches by answering a series of questions about yourself and the type of person you’re looking for. To feed this data into the OKCupid algorithm, tap your profile icon (the portrait), then scroll down to Questions, where you can choose to Answer or Skip any that appear. Once you’ve answered more than a dozen or so, you unlock a new Personality Traits section for your profile. This tells visitors how you rank against the general OKCupid population in various categories like friendliness, politeness, and spirituality. You might get a green arrow for above-average artiness, for example, or a gray arrow for below-average adventurousness.
If you’ve exhausted all your options in a popular app like Tinder or OKCupid, and you’re still not finding the people you’d like to date, consider a specialized app more suited to your needs. Maybe try Bumble, where women rather than men must make the first move. Those who like in-person meetups might create a profile on Huggle, which attempts to match you with people who hang out in the same places—say the bar or the gym—as you do. Believers can find apps that cater to specific religions. And if you’d like to limit the amount of swiping you do per day, consider Coffee Meets Bagel, which delivers a small selection of pre-selected matches every day at noon.
What about subscription-based versus free apps? The data suggests that finding the right site and persevering with it is more important than whether or not that site happens to be free. So test out a few services (paid-for apps often offer free trials), and then commit to the one you like best.
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